New Begining

Look at life through the windshield and go forward, just don't forget to look in the rear view mirror once in a while, to know who you are and where you've been, to know the path you've traveled on made you who you are today, and sometimes a glance back and remember, just who are you really? Then there are times when the deeper the memory you hold onto, the more beautiful the past will become.

Hello Again(:

So it has been a long time since i have posted. A lot has happened. Work has been stressful, everything is just stressful. I also found out i am a horrible driver. School pisses me off. i work my but off, and i still don't get where i wanna be. I also haven't talked to tanner in 3 months and it feels good. There are sometimes where i just want to forget that i don't like him but i don't. Then there are My best friends. Brooke, Abby, Shyann, Alustriel, and Alisha. It feels like we are growing pulling apart more and more. I mean me and Brooke aren't we are still close i don't know what i would do if i lost her. I tell her absolutely everything and i would probably die if i couldn't talk to her because she is my BEST EST friend ever. Then there is Steven, oh goodness to much to say about him. Sometimes i feel like his "babysitter" hahahahahahahaha if only you knew. Then  there is Hurley. My other best friend. He like the nicest person ever... and i just love messing with him. Then there is lotus leaf man oh man do i want to kill someone in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Somthing small

Something that seemed so small to realize in the end its all u can think about.

The way his lips turned upward and his dimples pop out, his eys brighten everytime i glance up. To see the smile on his face sends chills down mine smile, goose bumps up my arms, tingles throughout m body, tears tomy eyes and a burning to my soul. It makes my breath catch everytime i think of him knowing all i have are memories

Take life by the hands.

So its been a while, lifes been weird, complicated and hard. Who am i, because honestly i really dont know anymore, things are different. Im not me.. i feel like im not really here. this is the only place i say it on. I work i go to school, i act like im here and im here in reality but im not. I dont know if that makes sence or not but thats how i feel. I almost lost my bestfriend last week. That was really upsetting. My school work feels lie it doesnt matter anymore. Im not allowed to talk to Denis anymore and that hurts me like unimanginable pain. what would u do if something like that happend to you. I see his smile in my mind feel his arms wrapped around me i hear his laugh every where i walk. Im not me without him in my life at all. it hurts. I wrote to him but then i lost it. i cried for him but then the tears dried up.Im done feeling sorry for myself and the things that i have lost, the things that i have gone through. I am going to be who i need to be even if i have to act like it.  There is no reason for everyone else to suffer with me, not when i have that choice. I can suffer in silence just like i have for so long. I can be a book, Silent with so many words.

Who am i??? Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Hmmmmmmm.

Well, im not in a good mood today. I didnt do anything wrong, and yet everything is all wrong. words are being put in my mouth, people from my past are here and i dont know i feel about that... they are the people that i thought i could live without but it seems that i cant. Nathan is back... i dont know what im going too do. We had a huge fight the last time i talked to him and other people got involved... i dont know how this will work out. I guess we will find out wont we.

She is..........

She is strong because she knows what its like to be weak, she is strong willed, and she keeps her guard up because she knows what its like to cry herself to sleep at night. She feels so helpless yet shes always helping... She feels so alone yet everyone is around her. She wants to remain silent yet she has so many words. She feels fearless yet she remains scared, she feels crazy yet shes calm. She feels like shes fading yet shes always bright, she feels broken but shes altogether. but she doesn't know who she is, why? why doesn't she know who she is? There is no one who can help her figure it out. shes all on her own for this mission that seems impossible.