Idk how i feel?

SOOOOOOOOOO........i really dont know how im supposed to feel about my situation, its like in and out in and out. Ive known for 5 years that this was how i felt but for some reason i have a hard time admiting it and i dont know why but i am now and theses feeling arent going to go away and i dont want them to so we will se whats going happen..............................