Take life by the hands.

So its been a while, lifes been weird, complicated and hard. Who am i, because honestly i really dont know anymore, things are different. Im not me.. i feel like im not really here. this is the only place i say it on. I work i go to school, i act like im here and im here in reality but im not. I dont know if that makes sence or not but thats how i feel. I almost lost my bestfriend last week. That was really upsetting. My school work feels lie it doesnt matter anymore. Im not allowed to talk to Denis anymore and that hurts me like unimanginable pain. what would u do if something like that happend to you. I see his smile in my mind feel his arms wrapped around me i hear his laugh every where i walk. Im not me without him in my life at all. it hurts. I wrote to him but then i lost it. i cried for him but then the tears dried up.Im done feeling sorry for myself and the things that i have lost, the things that i have gone through. I am going to be who i need to be even if i have to act like it.  There is no reason for everyone else to suffer with me, not when i have that choice. I can suffer in silence just like i have for so long. I can be a book, Silent with so many words.